Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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