My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
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I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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