How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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