we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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