The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
