I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize