she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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