the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
