why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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