Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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