He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
