walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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