Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
