Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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