That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
