This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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