I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
