if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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