I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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