Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
