Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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