y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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