What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
