Sry I called you an 8
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
