I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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