Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
