chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
