we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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