put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
