Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Four minutes until I can fart!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
