tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I got inside last night via doggy door
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