life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
