Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I understand Curling. That high.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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