last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
