Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
