Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
