I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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