I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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