i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
