sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need water and some morals
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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