I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
im six kinds of drunk right now
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
