Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
