Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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