Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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