guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize