You were right. It hurts to walk today.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
