Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
