I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
