3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
