The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
