I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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