she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
