Sponge bath it is.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
