Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
