Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
