I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
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Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
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Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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