My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
