why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize