i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
