mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
