The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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