I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
