It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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