Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
