Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
