French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
