She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
